boyFRIEND

Napuyat ako kagabi kakaisip ng kung anu-ano.

Siguro ganun talaga kapag walang magawa.

Naghahanap na lang ng magagawa. Hehe

Pero realistic lang akong tao.

Ako ang tipo ng tao na ayokong nabibigla.

Hindi ko kasi alam kung paano magre-react.

Meron akong best boy bud.

Bestfriend pero lalaki.

Nakilala ko sya nung high school kami.

Kaibigan sya ng EX ko.

Kasama rin sya sa SEBO (yun yung pangalan ng boy group na super love namin ng mga girlfriends ko.)

High school pa lang kami, super close na kami. AS IN.

Sya pa nga lagi ugat ng LQ namin ng ex ko.

Basta.

Hindi ko alam pero sobrang at ease ako sa kanya.

Lagi ko nga syang sinusungitan at inaaway. (I'm sorry. I'm such a meanie. Hehe ganyan ako magmahal ng kaibigan.) :P

Lahat nasasabi ko sa kanya. As in anything.

Nung nag-break kami ng ex ko, lagi syang nasa tabi ko.

Natatandaan ko pa, muntik na akong umiyak sa harap nya kasama ng mga girlfriends ko nung nagkukwento ako, haha High school ehh. Alam mo na, akala mo totoo na. Pero teary eyed lang talaga ako nun. Haha

Kakwentuhan ko pa sya magdamag sa cellphone nun tungkol sa break up issue.

You know what's best having a guy friend? It's the privileged of having an unbiased answer. Lahat ng tanong ko sinasagot nya kung ano ba talaga yung gusto nyang sabihin.

Umuusok na nga ehh cellphone ko nun ehh.

Nung sixteenth birthday ko, bumili sya ng cake at ice cream sa akin. Parang kinantsawan ko lang naman sya nun.

Tapos kapag my anda, nanlilibre sya ng ice cream kasama yung mga girlfriends ko.

Nung nag-Ecopark kami, sya ung reason kaya nakasama si Bern.

Tapos last valentines binigyan nya ako ng red roses. Hindi ko talaga inaaasahan yun kaya sobrang na-surprised ako.

Marami na syang nagawa para sa akin. Pero yung hindi ko talaga makakalimutan, nandun sya nung mga panahong kailangan ko ng kaibigan.

Super totoo yan! SWEAR!

Kahit mukha na syang tanga sa mga corny nyang quotes at pick up lines, wala lang sa kanya.

Kahit na ako yung unang nang-away, sya pa rin yung magso-sorry. Kasi sabi nya, mapapadali daw yung 2012 para sa kanya kapag nagalit ako. Haha (takot sa akin weh. :P)

Tapos kapag nalulungkot ako, he's just a text away. Gagawin nya lahat para lang mapasaya ako. Para tumahan na ako.

Pagdating naman sa inuman kapag may session, sinasagot nya yung para sa akin. He's the man you can always count on.

PERO, hindi ko ginustong ma-inlove sya sa akin.

Hindi ko talaga inaasahan yun.
Hindi ko rin sya masisi. Mas lalong naging close kasi kami mula nung break up.
Alam ko sa sarili kong hindi ko sya tinignan sa paraang tiningnan ko yung kaibigan nya.
Pero alam ko rin sa sarili ko na kapag hindi nya tinigil yang kalokohan nya, TROUBLE.

Tapos lately, iba ehh.

Iba talaga sya.

Ayokong mag-assume pero hindi lang naman ako yung nakakapansin.

Sa mga group messages nya, sinasabi nyang inlove sya sa kaibigan nya.

Basta yung mga ganun. Ehh assuming ako kaya feeling ko ako yun.
Pero hindi naman ako mag-iisip ng ganun kung wala akong batayan. Reasonable akong tao.


Kapag ino-open ko yung usapang lovelife, ayaw nya magsalita. Basta ang sabi nya lang, I quote, "Basta ayoko. Ayoko sa iba." tapos ngayon sa kakapilit ko sa kanya may sinabi pa sya, I quote again, "Basta. Yung tungkol sa lovelife na naghihintay sa wala." Akala nya tatawanan ko sya kasi ganun yung madalas 'kong ginagawa, pero hindi ngayon. Wala akong karapatang tawanan yung nararamdaman nya. Sino ba ako diba?


Ang inaalala ko lang kasi, naghihintay sya. Alam ko kahit hindi nya sabihin, umaasa sya. At yun ang ayokong mangyari sa kanya. Yung ako mismo yung gagawa sa kanya ng bagay na yun. Masyadong komplikado.


Hindi ko alam kung bakit kailangan 'kong isipin yung mga ganitong bagay. Pero gumugulo talaga sa isip ko 'to.


Alam ko may choice ako. May dalawang scenario na pwede kong pagpilian.

OR

And I hope I will do the right thing.

PS: If you happen to read this crap, gusto ko lang sabihin na importante ka sa akin. Kahit anong mangyari hindi na mababago yun. :) I thank you for everything.

Regret Nothing

I wasn't perfect.

I did a lot of stupid things.

I also regret many things.

Like, I let a good thing passed me by, relationships that I should have taken, words that I should have said and questions that I should have asked.

I admit, I am a weakling before.

I always say "no" that's why I don't get what I want.

I am afraid to voice out my mind.

I am so anxious to try new things.

I am such a loser. I just stick in with my comfort zone.

But there are things that happened with my life that made me stronger.

Experience that brought the brave part of me.

Tears that taught me that whatever I do, I'll experience something that will break my heart, together with my faith and hope.

But now, I am able to pull myself back together.

I regret being so weak but I am different now.

I figured out, being such a loser will be forever a loser.

I changed for the better.

Now, I am not afraid to try new things, to say the words I want to say, and to do the things I want to do.

I will be as strong as my late mother. :)

I will try my best not to regret some things that I will do in the future.

I will try to dive head first and experience the fun of it. :)

I am through with this already.

Now, I am stronger and braver to face the world. :)

I know that being like that would not be that easy, but I made up my mind.

I know somewhere down the road, I will experience another failure or lose something, but I promise to stand up.

Too always stand up and move on. :)

Never surrender.

Never regret.

Never lose faith.

Just walk with a huge smile because everything will be fine.

A Letter For Nanay

To the person that I will love forever,

Nanay,

I'd like to thank you for all the things that you've done for me.

Thank you for bringing me in this world. For keeping me inside your tummy for nine months, and for betting your life just to bring me out.

For raising me as a good person, for giving your best shot to give the best for me, for doing the best and thinking what's best for me.

Thank you for giving me unconditional love and lots of care. From the moment that I was born, you forgot yourself and focused on mine.

Thank you for giving me everything without expecting anything in return. For all my birthday celebrations that you always prepare.

For all the support and faith in me. For being my number one fan when I am dancing at the stage. For proudly talking about me after I did good in school.

Thank you staying at my side when everything seems so bad. For wiping away my tears and hugging when it feels cold.

Thank you for your smiles that fuels me to go on. For just a glance of your face, I'll be able to pull myself back.

Thank you for understanding me. For bearing with your stubborn unica hija. For keeping a lot of patience when tantrums attacks.

Thank you for being an inspiration. For being brave to protect me. For keeping me away from harm.

Remember back then when I was on my third grade? The incident when my two rings and precious earrings robbed away from me? I will never forget how tight you hugged me and thanked God that I got home safe.

I'm sorry for letting that bitch get my valuables. Those things has sentimental value because I already have it when I was still a baby.

I'm sorry for being rude and meanie sometimes. For being self-centered brat.

I'm sorry for hurting you in many ways. For bringing you in tears when I failed my Eco subject in fourth year high school.

I'm sorry because I lied to you many times.

Remember when you said to us that you were diagnosed with cancer? I cried.

That was the only time when I took care of you.

I never left your side. You grant my wish to be a nurse. :)

Thank you for extending 10 more days. For fighting cancer so that you can be with us.

I know you're in a better place right now.

I know where you're need to be, even though it's not here with me.

I know that at some point, you're proud of me because I able to fulfill you're wish.

I'm a degree holder now. :)

I know that's what you want.

I miss you. I will miss you forever.

I miss your smile, your face, even the times when you are nagging me.

I miss everything about you.

If I will given a chance, I will do everything, even give up all that I have just to hug and kiss you again.

I love you. I will love to eternally.

PS: Don't worry with me now. I will always be your Bebe. :)

New Beginning :)

It seems just like yesterday, I am taking an entrance exam in a university.
I had no friends, I don't know anyone.
I am like a lost sheep inside the forest.
I had a rough way to enter the college life.
I lost my way on the day of my interview, I forgot my report card which is needed, I experienced a very long line, hit lunch break when it's already my turn, and got a wrong assessed schedule on my first semester.
Too bad.
But as they say, every dark cloud has a silver lining.
I met people who became my friends.
Especially Vanie.

Of all the people I've met on my first semester, I can say that she is my best friend.
We belonged to different faith but that doesn't stop us to become really good friends.
She the most kikay friend that I got back then.
She taught me many things.


Then, second year came, Vanie had to transfer to another school to pursue her dream, to become a lawyer.
She transferred to another school and shifted in Political Science.
I know that's her dream. So I didn't bother to stop her.


I went back being alone. Until I've met Tropang GM.

I am not alone anymore.
I am blessed to have a friends like them.
As many people say, everything has an ending, and an ending is a new beginning.
The feeling walking on the stage, wearing toga. It's such a weird feeling.
I can't describe.
We finally graduated.
The moment we've all been waiting for.
The result of four years of hard work.
It's sad because I used to be with them almost everyday.
I will surely miss them so much. :(

In my four years in the university, I would like to say:

* Thank you to my former classmates way back as a college freshie.
* It's nice meeting you here (Rizal Technological University) Vanie.You will be my forever mare. Be a lawyer someday. :)
* Thank you my Chikqasz and Hukluban for the friendship.
* Thank you Supremes for being an inspiration to us. :)
* Thank you to my high school friends who always reach up to me even if all of us are busy. Especially to my girlfriends and the boy group that I will love forever. :)
* Thank you and I love you so much to Tropang Gm who brought the crazy part of me.
* To my teacher (in elementary and high school), I thank you for all the knowledge. I'm sorry if I am not listening at many times. :p I am also grateful to have a cool college professor. Thank you for making our life miserable, errr, less miserable. :)
* Thank you to all the bad experiences for making me this strong.
* Thank you enrollment time for all the kickback. HAHA :D
* Thank you to my father who sponsored my very first contact lenses. :*
* Thank you to my mother, thinking just about you gives me the strength to study. I wish you were here. I love you so much. :* This is for you.

Congratulations and good luck to us Batch 2012.
Fly high and reach for our dreams.