Great Way to Finish the Month!

Yes.
It's March 31 today.
Writing today wasn't really a part of a plan 'coz in the first place, I woke up at the wrong side of my bed.
But my mind changed when I saw something in Facebook.
I thought, this might be noteworthy to write. :)


First, I dreamed about my mother last night.
It's weird because it's been months since I last dreamed about her.
In my dream, we were looking for a dress for my Graduation Day.
I am happy in my dream because I am happy choosing a dress.
I can clearly recall that I want a black dress so we're really searching for it.
I woke up late this morning which is not usual.
Maybe, I extended my sleep just to be with her.
I don't know. I was just finding a reason how to explain it.
I'm willing to give up everything I have now just to hug her.
Even for one minute.
One minute will do.
I want to live in the dreamland as long as I can be with her again. :(
I want to hug her, kiss her, tell her how much I love her.
I can do it for one whole day, SWEAR.
I want to brush and caress her hair like what I did in that hospital three years ago.
I want to talk to her about anything just to hear her voice. Even nagging. I want her to nag me again about my crazy deeds.
I want everything back.
or ..
I WANT HER BACK. :(
But sadly, I can't compete with God.
So I'll just see her soon.

Sure thing, my emo side stops there. :)

I saw something cute in Facebook.

Remember my ex? Yeah. I already talked about him here.

Actually, I've had two blogs for him here, and this is kind'a third one. :)

I saw the pictures of her baby online. :)

It's cute.

I can't just determine if it's a boy or a girl because there's no caption about the baby.

I just find it cute.

No jealously monster inside. Promise. :)

He's a daddy now and I am proud of him.

He finally found the girl of his life and now, his baby.

I know he's happy now.

I wished him luck, happiness and love.

I am the first one who liked that album.

Isn't it weird?

I, his EX, first liked the album?

What do you think?

hmmmm.

Advance Happy April's Fools Day! :D

DISAPPOINTMENT :(

It's been a while since the last time I wrote a blog.
As much as I want to write a positive come back, I can't help myself but to write what I'm feeling right now.
I'm feeling terrible today. :(
The feeling that I DISAPPOINT my mother.

Years ago, the only wish my mother told me before I go to college is to have a good grades.
She's not expecting very high grades from me but as much as possible, no grade of 3.
I worked my ass off on my first semester in college life.
I'm not the kind of student who loves to study but I tried my best just to have a good grades.
So that I can make my mother proud.
I showed her good grades until her last breath.
I know, I'm making her proud by obeying what she wants.

As of this moment, I can feel that I am already a graduating student.
But it feels empty inside.
Even though I am a graduating student, I failed to meet her expectation.
I got my grades this morning and my world fell off when I saw my grade in Law.
What the f*ck.
I gave my all in this subject.
This was the first subject I worked very hard.
This was the first subject that I studied every night four days in a row.
This was the first time I experienced FAILURE.

Thanks to that one of a kind heartless prosecutor.
It was unfair on my part because I know I did what I can do.
Because I know I don't deserve this.
It was unfair on my part because I failed to make my mother proud.

I don't give a damn on my grade.
Seriously, I can still smile after getting this kind of grade.
If it weren't for my mother.
What hurts me is the thought that even if my mother is at peace now, I didn't get to do what she asks me to do.
It hurts the thought that I wasn't able to grant her wish.
:(

I know that it's not the end.
That somehow, my mother is proud because I will graduate soon.
But this feeling suck!