DISAPPOINTMENT :(

It's been a while since the last time I wrote a blog.
As much as I want to write a positive come back, I can't help myself but to write what I'm feeling right now.
I'm feeling terrible today. :(
The feeling that I DISAPPOINT my mother.

Years ago, the only wish my mother told me before I go to college is to have a good grades.
She's not expecting very high grades from me but as much as possible, no grade of 3.
I worked my ass off on my first semester in college life.
I'm not the kind of student who loves to study but I tried my best just to have a good grades.
So that I can make my mother proud.
I showed her good grades until her last breath.
I know, I'm making her proud by obeying what she wants.

As of this moment, I can feel that I am already a graduating student.
But it feels empty inside.
Even though I am a graduating student, I failed to meet her expectation.
I got my grades this morning and my world fell off when I saw my grade in Law.
What the f*ck.
I gave my all in this subject.
This was the first subject I worked very hard.
This was the first subject that I studied every night four days in a row.
This was the first time I experienced FAILURE.

Thanks to that one of a kind heartless prosecutor.
It was unfair on my part because I know I did what I can do.
Because I know I don't deserve this.
It was unfair on my part because I failed to make my mother proud.

I don't give a damn on my grade.
Seriously, I can still smile after getting this kind of grade.
If it weren't for my mother.
What hurts me is the thought that even if my mother is at peace now, I didn't get to do what she asks me to do.
It hurts the thought that I wasn't able to grant her wish.
:(

I know that it's not the end.
That somehow, my mother is proud because I will graduate soon.
But this feeling suck!